There Goes the Neighborhood
by tikimoof
Summary: a .hack//infection fic. The general idea is: what would happen if Piros cracked?


...this is a story that I and one of my friends wrote laaate one night under the influences of sugar. That is your warning. Oh, BTW, during the ANs, I'll still be Tikimoof, and she'll be Hikari. ________________________________  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own any of the .hack characters. We wish that we owned some, but in fact the argument of whether or not we own said characters is still being debated....  
  
Tikimoof: The thought behind this story is: What would happen if Piros finally snapped from using all that crazy medieval language? Hikari: I thought it was because nobody would go on an 'adventure' with him. Ever. Tikimoof: Well, I changed it. ...it can be a combo... ________________________________________________________________________  
  
Orca was the first to go.  
  
Poor fool, he really did love helping those newbies. Only fault he really had was...well, sometimes, he neglected to check the levels on those 'newbies.' So when Piros used Wryneck Ch when 'practicing attacking,' Orca was caught completely unawares.  
  
"WRYNECK CH!" Piros wanted to make sure he did the job right.  
  
"Amazing! That was a level two dark summon! How'd a newbie ever get a scroll that powerful? But...you were supposed to use it on the goblii..." After the second scroll, there wasn't enough left of Orca to finish the sentence.  
  
Piros cackled insanely for about five minutes, regained his breath, and walked on. He arrived at the delta server, and promptly hid behind one of the (many) corners.  
  
Eight pedestrians later, BlackRose ran past. Her death had a bit more of a ceremonial touch.  
  
Kite skipped innocently and happily down the main street of Mac Anu. He stopped skipping (and being happy) when he encountered the first body. Looking up, he noticed more bodies littering the 'skipping path.' Seeing Piros alive (not noticing the evil grin), he quite calmly asked him if he had seen BlackRose.  
  
"Ohhh!" Piros exclaimed in his annoying little way. (Hikari: that WAS NOT subliminal. We assure you. We know nothing. Now go, and obey thy thirst.) "He of fair eyes! Why, yes I have!" Piros did not elaborate.  
  
"Umm... WHERE did you see her?"  
  
Piros smiled. And was silent. Kite was silent too, hoping for an answer and thinking of butterflies. (Tikimoof: yummmm...)  
  
"Over there!" Piros chirped, and pointed behind him, completely out of character.  
  
"Thanks!" Kite chirped in response. Upon seeing the body (or lack of one), he turned around questioningly. He didn't see the bloody axe until too late.  
  
Mistral was easily the next to go with her chipper outlook on life. She had barely gotten out a cute little 'Konnichiwa!' before she hit the floor.  
  
Luckily, Mia and Elk were YET AGAIN on a search for the infamous Aromatic Grass. (AN: can someone PLEASE tell us what that IS?!)  
  
Balmung was the next to enter Delta Server. He looked around him. And looked. One more time. Well, we lied, because he looked again, but this time he raised his hand to his forehead in exasperation.  
  
"Okay," he sighed. "Who did it THIS time?"  
  
Continuing on his rant, his voice steadily growing louder, Balmung paced around the Chaos Gate.  
  
"Every year some newbie or a wannabe SNAPS and THIS happens! I send out Orca to keep this from happening, but NO! He's too trusting to keep his guard up!" At this, Balmung began repeatedly bashing his head against the wall.  
  
"WHY! IS! IT! ALWAYS! SOMETHING! WITH! THAT! IDIOT?!"  
  
Balmung stopped short when he heard maniacal jabbering echoing from the Mac Anu bridge. "Well," he muttered under his breath. "I guess I should go take care of it since after ALL, ORCA CAN'T!" And with that, he stormed off towards the bridge.  
  
Meanwhile Piros, from lack of 'visitors,' had been entertaining himself by running in a tight little circle on the bridge. And babbling. (Hikari: That's...how...Balmung heard him...remember?)  
  
Suddenly (gasp!), Piros tripped over one of the cadavers and flew head over heels...  
  
...into Balmung. A very pissed Balmung, to say the least.  
  
"Are you...the IDIOT...who killed everyone?"  
  
After a moment's hesitation, Piros threw himself over the bridge in fear. And armor does not float. Nobody messes with Balmung's Grumpy Face (TM). NOBODY.  
  
After a heavy sigh, Balmung surveyed the damage. He noticed a certain corpse among them.  
  
"Hey, isn't that that Windmill...no, not a toy...something to do with wind and children's playthings...But wasn't he the main character of the game? Sooo...who's the main character now...?"  
  
Looking around and seeing no one, Balmung coughed conspicuously and logged off. _____________________________________________________________________  
  
Hikari: AND NOWWW, for the end-of-story shocker! ...Kite rules!!  
  
Tikimoof: ...yeah...he's not an idiot in our minds, it just seemed right for the story. A few other people were OOC, sooo...  
  
Hikari: Of course, this by no means means...um well that sounded weird but...we still don't like Piros. Apparently... We couldn't've started on this thing in the first place if we really liked him.  
  
Tikimoof: We're also ignoring the fact that they're real people, and could just log back in. Work with us.  
  
....and this is where I lost the rest of the author's notes. They were typed, and then I lost them. *sigh* 


End file.
